


Who I Once Was

by Demoncrow



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Aged-Up Character(s), Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Injury, Body Horror, Child Neglect, Childhood Trauma, Demons, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Possible Character Death, Psychological Trauma, Shinigami, Slow Build, Slow Romance, Some Humor, Strangers to Lovers, Suicidal Thoughts, Temporary Character Death, Tragic Romance, Twins, au where Sebastian is a death god
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-10-04 03:00:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17296469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demoncrow/pseuds/Demoncrow
Summary: au where Sebastian is a death god, O! Ciel gets murdered by their sibling, who continues to live, so the death god questions if he should kill the miserable soul who killed such a beautiful corpse. Which he can’t really do without getting shit from William, hm, so he asks the Undertaker to help him.[Sebastian is a Shinigami au, but keep in mind there is more to it than that!]





	1. The Epitome of Devils

 

* * *

The world looks so bland when you are a part of a family that has little to give to you but everything to give to the one that is the true son. Simply because you were abandoned as a child, now he suffers with the high class of arrogance, the privileged, the unworthy for loving him. Which they did not love him, merely wanted a back up for their oh so gorgeous son that they cruelly killed his mother for. His brother as it seems was beyond comprehending, the boy was far more prideful, reeked of an aura that stained the air with narcissism, maybe he would kill him out of this hell that brought him to tears at times. Unlike his elder, or the earl, his presence was lacking, he wasn’t confident but he knew his boundaries, while he was far more quieter than his devilish twin. A twin he wish he could stab with his bare hands for putting him through the misery of constant bullying, teasing that went beyond harsh words and became violent actions instead.

The violence often bloomed like roses, all he could do was watch as he heard himself cry out in pain. Not even demons shed this blood, nor shall the reapers who reap the souls of the dead contain this much bloodthirst. Humans like his twin were true spawns of satan, the younger twin often thought about this. Too often, whether at dinner time, bed time, wash time, his hunger for death would definitely bring a reaper to its knees. Wouldn’t it?

The poor boy sobbed in the dark room his sibling had pushed him in. The air was dry, the darkness only frightened him, the suffocating feeling of being all alone only pushed his mind into fear. Fear, fear, fear, more tears. It was like he was in hell itself, except he wasn’t and that’s what makes it worse. If Ciel wanted him dead, than so be it, but to torture him through isolation, cramped up into the dark, if not it was worse than being murdered. Now that would be a beautiful thing for him, to die whether it be by his brother’s hands or his own, the ecstasy of peace held his soul together.

He craved death, he has forgotten what day it is which is due to his brother’s horrendous ‘time outs’ as he called them. His father didn’t particular care as long as he was living, breathing, pumping blood in this shell of a body, if the young Ciel were to die now the family facade would fall apart and Ciel would love to laugh in all his glory that he had finally beat his older brother. But that was only a dream, as of now, Ciel could only shed warm tears as he fights his own mind on whether he should live or die. To be quite frank, the best option was death, for one thing the idea of a reaper reaping his soul made brought chills to his spine, such beings exist yet they aren’t necessarily evil.

Ciel blindly grasps at the dirty cold floor, trying to figure out where the door is. It’s been about five hours since his twin put him in here, it shouldn’t be that hard to escape or at least call for Tanaka to hear. The only person who truly cared for him was Tanaka, the old man held much empathy for him and listens to him whenever he complained about his older twin hurting him. He was the only confidante in his life, he didn’t have a living mother, his father sided with his twin, well that’s how he lived. A slave to this mansion that holds him like he’s a puppet, not a living boy. At the age of fifteen, Ciel has lost his trust of anything and anyone. But who’s to say he’s going to live past fifteen? God? Lucifer? Hell, a damned reaper at this point would treat him better than the humans he lives with.

A reaper, if he could only die in this wretched room, then maybe for once he could see the phenomena of the reaper, in his last moments.

Ciel crawled around aimlessly, tapping at the walls loudly, his stomach growled. He was growing tired of this, his body was already weak with his asthma, even as he lost more weight, the adults around him were not fazed by it. Ciel took a breath as he searched for the knob, it had to be here somewhere. He continued to grab at anything, only touching the solid surface of the walls, until he grabs a hold onto a circular object. Ciel twists it and the brightness of the living room greets him as if it was his butler, as if he was being saved by someone. The young Ciel smiles brightly, he collapses once he crawls out of the small closet. The lack of food has drained him, but not only that, the room itself had made it difficult to breath.

* * *

“Young master? Is that you?” The familiar yet soft spoken voice of the old man revives his energy. Ciel rises his head slowly, too exhausted to lift his entire body, he nods at Tanaka. The concern in Tanaka’s eyes is evident, he knew all too well who did this to the young boy. Tanaka shakes his head, “I suppose he’s giving you an even harder time than the last time, young master?” Ciel coughed and nodded, “I wish to sleep, old man, maybe forever while I have the chance.”

Tanaka leaned down and lifted the young master into his arms, holding him carefully as he cradles him. “You are far too young to die, Ciel, even if he hurts you, I will continue to serve you, only you and care for you.” Tanaka looks at the boy in his arms, the once bright blue ocean eyes have dimmed and dulled to a faded blue. Jaded of anything that was once full of happiness, now full of a look of absolute exhaustion. The boy’s body was also too thin for his age, his ribs were noticeable as Tanaka held him. While his skin held bruises that stood out on his ghastly pale skin, the poor boy looked like a broken porcelain doll. And lastly, his hair was still neat and straight, only being a bit dirty with dust.

It truly brought sorrow to Tanaka, to see his young master in such a state, done by his own brother. It was outright cruel that the twin does this, but the fact that he cannot speak against Vincent or the other Ciel. He would be killed if his young master somehow managed to escape this mansion. They would not allow it, he knew Ciel only had him, with his mother dead. Who else was to care for a delicate boy like him, no one would.

It was the obvious child abuse that made Tanaka furious and full of grief, they’ve treated the young Ciel like this for far too long. Child neglect from his father, manipulation from his elder brother, the lack of true parental and sibling love. Tanaka knew that the words the young Ciel say are cries for help, pleas of putting him out of his misery. He knew what defeated looked like, the cruelty of this mansion has broken the boy into pieces that he cannot fix.

He hushes Ciel, quickly kicks the small closet door shut, then walks upstairs to Ciel’s bedroom. He notices that the boy has fallen asleep now, his breathing now even and quiet. If God could have mercy on this beautiful boy, if there was a god out there anyhow. Tanaka thinks nothing of the pointless thoughts of god, pours his attention to his young master’s sleeping body. In that moment he notices how at peace the boy is in his sleep, far more happier in a way, even though Tanaka would disagree on Ciel dying.

It was perhaps the only way for him to truly escape, which was only painted as a poor coping mechanism. Tanaka understood where the boy could fantasize about death, but he’d teach him better ways to cope.

Tanaka looked around to see if the older Ciel was around, clearly not due to how quiet it is, nor is Vincent in sight. He had forgotten that those two had went to a ball with Elizabeth and were not to come home until midnight. He checks his watch, notices the time, they had about two hours left. He knew that Ciel was slowly losing interest in living, it would be cruel to just leave him in his room alone as his twin returns to only torture him. If they could leave safely, Tanaka would have left by now. But the reality is, the power that Vincent holds over him and his young master is beyond them with how much Vincent mentions if his young son is doing fine and isn’t harming himself, correct?

The redundant things that man says, it disgusts Tanaka. Tanaka returns to fixing up his young master, quickly pushes Ciel’s doorknob and closes the door behind him. As he walks towards the grey bed, he notices how bare the boy’s room has become. Has it always been like this? Tanaka ponders.

He lays Ciel gently on the bed as he leans down to tuck the boy in. Mustn’t get a cold, especially with the state he is in. Much rest is needed, definitely food and water. Tanaka immediately decides to go get the boy a good meal, but he feels a pull on his suit jacket. Ciel’s frail hand was gripping tightly onto him, his eyes squinting to see as he’s woken up from his sleep.

* * *

“Have they arrived, must I wait for the nightmare to begin?” Ciel asks, knowing of what will become of him when his twin arrives. The paranoia never leaves, the nervousness in his voice shows that. He hates it when he’s alone, too. Through isolation, he’s become a beast for warmth and love. Ciel just wants the last hours of peace to be with someone who cares for him. Before he aches again, the storming of his twins footsteps haunts and taunts Ciel.

Tanaka shakes his head and simply gives the boy a soft smile. “I’m going to get you a meal my boy, you are too thin and fragile nowadays.” Tanaka pauses as he looks at Ciel’s ocean eyes pierce through him. They were gorgeous when they held life in them, as they do now.

“I am glad that you are loyal to me, old man, I doubt I’d be alive if it weren’t for your grace and kind nature.” Ciel looks around his room, quietly comments without a care.

“He took all of it and threw it in the shed, then burned that shed down, how I fear him is all I think about.” Ciel begins to laugh, as he finally lets go of Tanaka’s jacket and raises both his hands in front of him. “How useless I’ve become, Tanaka, I feel ill being here. Like my existence is fading, I have nothing.”

Ciel begins to sob quietly, Tanaka leans over to give him a soft pat. “I believe that you will survive this, even if I don’t. Ciel, the world is a beautiful place, but in this stagnant place, we are like cattle, nowhere to hide or run. But I believe you will escape, in what way, I am not sure but you will indeed find life again.” Tanaka grabs a hold of Ciel’s hands, rubs them as to show the boy how genuine he is. He isn’t going to ever hurt Ciel.

Ciel has snot on his nose, for a moment he giggles. “We shall see if you’re right, now please fetch me some tea and a few snacks will you?” Tanaka nods and slowly gets up, bows for Ciel, “Yes, My lord, it’s time to take your life back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos motivate me thank you. Appreciated also!


	2. The Nightmare Begins

* * *

For once Ciel could relax in his bed, think to himself without Tanaka’s look of disapproval for suicide and his bizarre fascination towards death. Death had been involved in his childhood, so what makes it any different than romanticizing it? Death knew him like the back of his own hand, furthermore, Ciel knew death would be painful but there was something in his soul saying that it won’t be painful for him. It was a peculiar feeling, if those so called reapers did indeed exist, maybe they could make his death painless. The thought alone brought excitement to Ciel. Imagining a beautiful yet tall figure collecting and watching his life as he laid on his bed bleeding to death, the idea of it was morbid of course, but it comforted him than living through hell all over again. He simply wanted to run away from his life, that’s all. To the extent of chasing death itself, Ciel’s passion was also different than his twin’s furious rages.

The two were like fire and water, one calm and deep, the other twisting itself with its own heat. Now all Ciel wanted was to eat something, he hopes nothing’s happened to Tanaka. This feeling of course was naturally his nervousness acting hastily, he knew Tanaka would be safe. The two house demons weren’t home, they wouldn’t be home until two hours. Ciel glances around his room, the walls reminded him of his own mind. Blank, empty of anything, the room held more sadness for him than anything. There was painful memories in this room, so maybe his twin did him a favor for burning all his things. At least he wouldn’t have to be reminded of the abuse, the wretched lies his brother had told him when he was merely five years old.

He’d rather be damned by a demon than to remember anything from his childhood. He has to constantly push those memories behind. Sometimes it was as if he had to forget his own existence, that feeling of disconnection from who he is confuses him occasionally. It was another bad coping mechanism to his life. He’s realized that now. Tanaka’s words have struck him out of his deranged and deluded mind. Ciel can only smile at the thought of leaving this mansion with Tanaka. He notices that it’s taking Tanaka quite a bit to fetch the meal for him. Ciel almost wanted to call his name out, but he hesitated. What if the two have come home early? The picture of seeing those two watching him with their cold eyes, it made him sick. He wanted to puke now. The nausea was beginning to form just as his anxiety wraps itself around his neck.

The quietness of his room did nothing to help, but hearing his own breathing start to quicken in pace, the heartbeat of his body continue to thump like the clock in his bedroom. With the tick that passes, his heart beats once more. Tick, thump, tick, thump, tick, thump. The repetition of it could drive someone mad, but it served as a timer for Ciel. A timer for Tanaka’s lack of presence. He tries to listen carefully for footsteps, but from his bed he could hardly hear anything. So, Ciel decides to listen by the door which was closed unsurprisingly. Ciel throws the soft blanket away from him, carefully moves his legs towards the carpet floor and then takes a deep breath. The air feeling fresher and clean than the cramped closet he had been earlier. There was an uneasiness that was sticking to him, Tanaka was never one to take his time with meals and such. And it’s not as if Ciel was paranoid, what he felt now was a gut feeling of some kind. For one, Ciel would have had to heard the plates getting set down, or at least the tea starting to boil. But he heard none of that. Which made him sweat a bit, Tanaka couldn’t have fallen, right? That could happen, but Ciel shakes that idea away from him.

Tanaka was fine. He is fine, Ciel’s just overthinking once more. As long as he says he’s fine, then Tanaka’s fine. As he stands near his bed, he checks the time on the golden clock that was the only thing hooked on his wall. Time was an important factor to his safety, due to his twin’s nature, he’s begun to lose his sense of reality with the amount of isolation the twin’s begun to do. Seeing the black roman letters being touched by the thin arrow, they only have about an hour til the two return. Something’s wrong. Tanaka’s been gone for about thirty minutes now, Ciel decides to go downstairs to check on him. He slowly walks towards the white door, his feet feeling numb after being stuffed into a closet for so long. His limbs also felt like jelly, the nausea still lingered in his stomach.

He huffs, this was going to be a little painful physically. But he needed to see Tanaka. It’s worrying him. He wraps his hand around the cool doorknob, twists it, now faces the hallway that was decorated with golden items and flowers placed on wooden tables. Oh, how false the decor truly is. As he walks from his room, closing the door quietly, Ciel notices that the dining room lights were off and the kitchen too. The hair on the back of his neck begin to rise, his small hands begin to tremble. The entire mansion lights were off besides the upstairs hallway, Ciel felt cold as he stood alone in such a big building. What could he do? If he leaned on the balcony near the stairs, he’d be seen. He should call for Tanaka, but something was definitely off. The darkness that the downstairs was filled with only brought him paranoia. That is when he hears a voice.

A very deep yet soft voice. “To see a wise butler in such a gruesome manner, my, my, my, quite the death isn’t it?”

The stranger seemed unfazed by the darkness of the room, Ciel notices the figure is near the living room. He decides to hide by the wall near the stairs, at least see who this stranger is.

“Oh, Sebastian! His life was at least filled with a beautiful boy, bright blue eyes-” This time the other voice is loud, their voice echoes throughout the mansion. And Ciel can’t help it, but the warmth of his tears are already falling down his face. His eyes were wide, whatever these two were doing in the mansion, it had to be...the reapers. The death gods do exist, but at what expense did he need to find that out?! He tries to sob quietly, but he hiccups much too loudly.

“Did you hear that, Grell?” The more he cried, the more he could care less if he was found by the two death gods. He needed to grieve at least. But who could have killed Tanaka? That’s when he turns his head right to see his brother grinning at him with blood visible on his hands and face. He tried to crawl towards the stairs to at least fall down towards the grim reapers, but his brother was quicker.

The other Ciel hushes him, “Must we warn those monster down there? Father told me to clean the mansion up, I suppose you thought you were clean? Hah! Filthy boys never learn will they?” The other Ciel holds Ciel’s leg to prevent him from falling down the stairs. “You knew better but you got your poor butler killed for your disobedience, little brother, I want to see the life leave those precious eyes of yours, for father will love me only.” There it was again, the bloodthirst in those eyes. Ciel wanted nothing more to just fall down the stairs, but he was frozen as he watched his twin bring the bloody knife to his stomach.

He screamed as loudly, his entire body was shaking now. His fingers tried to grab his twin to pull him down, but the twin shook his head at him, quickly brought his foot to Ciel’s head. “I think it’s time we bid farewell, don’t you think? Let me just give you a push into hell, don’t you ever forget me, little brother!” Ciel screamed as he cried out in pain, then he felt his twin’s boot slowly push him to the edge of the stairs. “Goodbye you filthy boy,” His twin laughs, then quickly ends Ciel’s screaming with the last push. Ciel watches his twin pull further away as his mind becomes dizzy, his body aching while it slumps down the stairs. The bumps only hurting him mildly compared to the pain in his bloody stomach. There was a lot of blood, each step was now stained with spots of red, his consciousness begins to fade. The blood loss with his already weak state, it was killing him slowly. Was he already at the last stair? He couldn’t tell but he does know his twin was already gone. He began to spit blood as he choked for air, his head laid oddly on the stair.

He wondered where those reapers went off to?

* * *

“He’s quite a beauty isn’t he, Sebastian! I told you those bright eyes were something to die for.”

The boy glances up to see the loud stranger grinning madly at him, the long red hair and the sharp teeth of the man were strange to see up close. Either one of these two turned the lights of the mansion on, because now Ciel can see both of them. They were both tall and lean, one completely in red while the other dressed more like a crow than anything. They also both had bright lime eyes, a yellowish green to be honest. The two were watching him with curiosity, even if the red haired one was in pure glee.

“It’s too bad he went out the way he did, but we did expect it, didn’t we!”

Ciel coughs more blood as his eyes try to focus on the other death god. He had black hair that was mid length to his shoulders, strands of hair evident, the stranger’s hair covered a part of his cheek. The clothes the stranger wore were far different in contrast to the red death god’s long red coat, the red heels. Unlike his partner, he wore a black dress shirt accompanied with a black vest and a leather jacket, his pants fit him tightly as they were most likely leather pants, he too wore black high heeled boots.

“Mind if you shut your mouth for once, Grell, I don’t appreciate you being so rude to the poor boy who’s dying in front of our eyes.”

Oh, so the red ones name is Grell? What kind of name is that? Ciel wanted to comment but he was basically dying, so he’d just have to watch the two bicker as he died.

“Hey! I wasn’t being rude, one if we don’t kill him now, William’s going to lecture both of us!” Ciel can’t help but laugh at Grell, he laughs as he spews some blood. The laugh comes out like a gurgle due to the blood that was in his mouth.

“Oh, it seems the young boy is laughing at you, my, if anything I find it quite endearing to see, he’s much too beautiful to die so young.”

“Hmph, Sebas~chan, I don’t like it when the dead find me funny!” Grell pouts, leans down to poke Ciel’s cheek. “He does have some cute squishy cheeks, I will admit, but now is not the time to fall for this boy’s beauty! We are shinigami first!”

Sebastian merely stares at Grell with a look of boredom. He then leans down onto his knees to lift Ciel’s head up, he does so in a gentle manner. Ciel notices that this shinigami had a pretty face just as the other one did. Were shinigami supposed to be so handsome? What an odd feeling to feel towards these strangely beautiful death gods. Sebastian’s black nails softly scrape Ciel’s cheeks, then rise to touch his eyelashes, then he lifts Ciel’s chin up. Ciel doesn’t know why, but the look in those green eyes made him feel like he was naked. Like the shinigami itself was looking through his entire soul, figuring out how he lived. It was creepy, but nonetheless, the look in them made him feel like he wasn’t alone.

“Are you going to kiss a corpse?! Sebas~chan!!” Grell seemed dumbfounded by the fact that Sebastian wouldn’t want to even get near Grell but would welcome a dying boy into his arms. What the hell! Sebastian ignores him, he watches the boy carefully. The boy’s eyes were just as Grell described them. Bright blue eyes. Except they lacked the liveliness that were supposed to be in most humans. The boy also bruises on his pale arms, Sebastian notices the boy was frail like a doll. He’s not surprised, but the boy reeked of abuse and that alone makes Sebastian disgusted with humans once more. But this boy in his hands, he was too beautiful to be human, much less to be degraded by the dirty hands of human sins.

Sebastian can’t help but smile at the boy, he was truly an art piece that god himself has given to them.

Ciel notices the peculiar smile of Sebastian, he wants to say something but he is beyond tired. His energy is almost gone, meaning he’s almost dead. At least he wasn’t spitting blood anymore, but now he was at the end of his life. He sighs a bit, the shinigami holding him shushes him.

“It seems he’s soon to be gone, Grell, shall we begin?” Sebastian can only appreciate beauty for so long, but in his life as a shinigami he has never felt such desire to hold a human. Not just hold but a desire to care for such a fragile being like the one he holds as it loses its life. Grell grins, immediately brings out his chainsaw. The loud buzz awakening Ciel’s last few breaths. He tries to shake his head, but he can’t. So, for his last words, he says it as confident as he can muster.

“N….o…..l...e..t...Seb...as...tia..n...t...ak...e...my….li...fe..” Ciel wheezes out his last sentence, as he slowly starts to see darkness. Sebastian is surprised by this boy’s words, the fact that he could even speak in his state.

The boy had some sort of will to ask for a peaceful death instead of a wildly gruesome one that Grell would have done anyways.

“How rude, once again you somehow get to see another beautiful boy’s soul.” Grell puts his chainsaw away, waits for Sebastian to begin. His grin no longer on his face as he watches Sebastian lay the boy carefully back onto the ground. It was always a beautiful sight to see whenever Sebastian reaped. Sebastian was just so gentle with the souls, Grell envied him for that. But each shinigami has their own way of reaping. Though Grell knows that this boy has given Sebastian some new idea, Grell knows better than to underestimate Sebastian’s fondness for even the most purest of souls. Whether that be because they were ethereal to watch in their last moments, or that their lives had been twisted but hadn’t changed the pureness of their souls Sebastian Michaelis was truly an angel in some kind of way. For he shall never let this boy sleep for eternity, as Sebastian lifts his hand. The nails on his hand slowly become longer, like claws he places them onto the boy’s forehead and hovers over to the boy’s lips and cuts it. A small cut, for the price of his soul. Sebastian truly hated messes, this boy was no exception.

The memories begin to appear, he watches every little thing that the boy has lived through, torturous moments isolated, emotionally the boy lost a lot of his liveliness and physically the boy was abused. All of it only served to make Grell and Sebastian hold disdain towards humans. How humans could do this to their own kind was cruel. The two watch as the memories slowly begin to fade, the ending is set. Grell pulls out his paperwork and quickly writes down the date of the death and how Ciel died. “His brother is quite a demon, to kill and abuse his little brother, I wouldn’t ever want to live like that.” Grell comments as he puts his notebook away, the red haired shinigami sighs out, “To think we had to witness that, couldn’t intervene, how atrocious it must be to be human.” Sebastian would agree with Grell, humans will always be malicious in their own way, even demons wouldn’t compare.

“I suppose we shall take our leave then? Before William lectures you.” Sebastian grins at Grell who begins to shout. “I DID MY PART YOU WERE THE ONE LOVING THE POOR DEAD BOY!” Grell kicked open the front door, “but alas you are always right, Sebas~chan~” Grell waits for Sebastian, as the other looks at the boy’s corpse.

Sebastian thinks to himself, _he should kill the miserable soul who killed such a beautiful corpse._


	3. I Am A Lion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very long chapter, so sit your bottoms down, children.

* * *

The two shinigami have arrived at their headquarters, Sebastian presses his glasses as Grell glares at him. Sebastian wasn’t fond of the glasses that most shinigami had to wear, they just didn’t fit him as well as they did on Grell and William. Not that he particularly cares about his appearance, but ever since he saw that poor boy looking at him with such intensity it has changed his view on humans.

While shinigami cannot intervene within the human lifes, Sebastian has become bored of this job. At some point he will tell Grell that he may as well retire, Sebastian doesn’t particularly care about being forgiven for killing himself. This job was as redundant as ever, Sebastian knew that. He also wanted to seek out the Undertaker for that is the one man who could ever help him in possibly bringing back Ciel Phantomhive.

It was illegal of course for a regular shinigami to do so, but has Sebastian ever been a regular shinigami? Nor is Undertaker a simple shinigami either, the two were a perfect match made in hell.

“Tch, you know William’s going to figure out that you don’t wear your glasses.” Grell whispers, as the two continue walk towards the faint figure of William within the white building.

Grell was correct, but Sebastian wasn’t one to keep the rules was he? Sebastian only widens his smile, pokes Grell’s cheek. “You won’t tell will you, Grell? Oh, how much trouble I’d get in.” Sebastian says worriedly, he was quite an actor sometimes. He places his chin onto Grell’s shoulder, “Please do tell me if I were to retire, would he search me out?”

Grell gives him a crazed look, confused to why Sebastian’s bringing up retiring so early.

“Well, I’m not sure, they’re still searching Undertaker til this day, it depends on how well you can hide, but that’s surely because the Undertaker has done illegal things. I’m sure they wouldn’t care if you retired if you just don’t meddle around with humans that is.”

Now that sounds like fun to Sebastian. Grell surely was a rule follower, due to his infatuation towards William. The poor reaper’s going to have to grow up someday.

Grell’s cheeks flush when he sees William approach the two, watching Sebastian lean onto Grell like some kind of child. William raised his eyebrows, the two were an odd duo considering Grell’s crush on both him and Sebastian.

William wanted to knock some sense into them both.

Sebastian quickly moves off of Grell’s shoulder, gives William a quick smile. Grell can’t help but giggle. He loved it when Sebastian could switch around like that, he would be a perfect actor in the human realm.

William only nods at Sebastian and then turns his attention to Grell. “I suppose you’ve gotten the two souls from that manor, correct?” William says monotonously.

How shinigami lack the beauty of emotions, Sebastian wonders. It’d be interesting to see what William was like when he lived. That was another thing he’d need to discuss with Undertaker, if they could make a shinigami human again, or at least give some type of emotions.

Sebastian was truly filled with glee at the thought of reviving that young boy, so what does he have to lose if he tells William that he’ll retire. While his death scythe would be confiscated, his ability through his nails would disappear that is. He was lucky to have the option of using his nails rather than getting one of those brute weapons, may as well be clean about the job.

“Yes,” Sebastian and Grell both say.

William nods, then turns his back on the two. “Go ahead and rest, I’m sure you’ll need it for another peculiar murder shall arise in the morning.” William walks off as quick as he had arrived. Grell shakes his head and turns to Sebastian.

“That poor William needs to realize he needs rest too, must I chase that fool or do I harass him?” Grell asks Sebastian. Grell’s eyes went from William to Sebastian.

It was complicated when two handsome reapers were in the way of his emotions!

Although William has been there from the beginning of his shinigami life, the sentimental feelings that arise through Grell were sometimes overwhelming.

“If I were you I’d go harass him, destress him by stressing him out, he needs to at least feel irritation than being such a workaholic.” Sebastian snaps his fingers, the black nails of his shining in the bright lights of the headquarters.

“I also need to mention my retirement, let’s take our leave then, Grell.”

Grell sighs, his posture changes from straight to being hunched. “Do you have to retire? Or is because of that boy?” Grell’s green eyes pierce through his own, Sebastian says it outright.

“I suppose it’s both, I’ve grown tired of this job you see, the boy has influenced my decision while we’re at it I seem to be unfit for this job.” Sebastian adds, “But I will admit it’s been a pleasure being your partner, I doubt William’s going to be happy that you will return to be his partner, that will be my farewell gift to you though.”

Oh how Sebastian knows Grell. The absolute madman is going to do something with his retirement and that boy, Grell can’t help but grin at Sebastian.

The two walk towards the direction William went.

“That’s generous of you Sebas~chan, but I will miss you, don’t make me cry!” Grell starts to whine. Sebastian pushes Grell forward as they bump into William.

“You!” William turns around quickly, then relaxes when he sees Grell and Sebastian.

“I apologize, I’d assumed it was Ronald, that boy’s been on my nerves throughout every mission we’ve gone out, I need to be wary of him.” William pushes his glasses up, he unexpectedly feels Grell embrace him.

“Oh, William, Sebas~chan wants to retire, what will I do without a partner? Shall we become partners once more, love?” Grell continues to hold William in his arms, William groans as he’s got even more stress once again.

“I will need to take his scythe away and his abilities, I will assign you a new partner, surely you won’t complain about Ronald Knox?” Grell jumps away from William, horrified by the thought of that brat being his partner instead of William. William only smirks at Grell, “Seems to me you know what he’s like already, Grell?”

Grell shakes his head rapidly, “No, no, no, no, I will not stand for this! Grell Sutcliffe must be with William, no exceptions, William!”

Sebastian watches the two, they never change with their odd bickering, but they have a common ground of disliking Ronald, whoever that may be.

“Fine, but on one condition,” William says, points at Sebastian, “You need to revoke his death scythe, his abilities, make sure he leaves us with a clean slate, understood?”

Grell nods slowly, “I shall do that, now you make sure you go and rest, I’ll choke you if you don’t get to that bed of yours, William!” Grell curls his hands into a choking gesture, points at William as a threat.

William was exhausted, for once he just smiles at the red headed imbecile he’s forgotten as a partner. It will be a better change from Ronald’s immaturity, although Grell’s just as obnoxious and loud, the man had experience unlike Ronald, William knew he could trust Grell more so than Ronald. He’d forgotten what it was like to enjoy another’s presence, Grell’s return would be a welcomed change for William.

“I will see to that, Grell, now do yourself a favor and finish your last job for the day.” William walks towards a white door and quickly disappears from Grell’s vision.

* * *

How much has happened through this day, Grell can’t imagine how much worse it’s going to get once Sebastian begins his foolish game with the Undertaker. Grell’s anticipating that as much as he’d anticipated his return to William.

Sebastian follows Grell as the two know go into an empty room, the walls dulling as they close the door, the vast emptiness of it showed how nothing truly mattered in the shinigami building. What a disappointment, Sebastian thinks.

“Now, taking your abilities may hurt, you have your scythe, correct?” Grell was diligently preparing the work, he laid out a sheet and some weapons. Sebastian pulls out his scythe, the terrible thing was a mere katana, what in the devil's was he to do with it anyways? May as well return it.

“Ah, so you did have one!” Grell comments as he grabs it from Sebastian’s hands, admiring the scythe’s beauty.

“It fits you I must say, though I did find your fingers as your tool a much better weapon, far more prettier to the eyes.”

Sebastian only chuckles at Grell’s comment. The two had their fun as partners, but Sebastian’s known for some time the repetitive lifestyle for forgiveness was not to his liking.

But no matter what he will remember Grell for a lifetime. The redhead on the other hand was holding back tears. He didn’t want Sebastian to leave, but at the same time he’s missed William, he knew in his heart that Sebastian would leave pleasantly safe. So, why is it that he grieves for Sebastian’s retirement? Was it love or was it the friendship that two had that he’d miss.

Sebastian had noticed Grell was already crying, the tears that flowed down the pale skin of Grell’s face, it was absolutely gorgeous to see. The man looked as pretty when he cried than when he smiled. Sebastian could admit, when he sees a death god cry, its significant that they do feel emotions. But there is still the mystery of William T. Spears emotions being so closed off and behaving the way he does. Sebastian was doing this for both his own good and Grell’s, he knew the other loved William, but to have William reciprocate that love towards Grell will be proven to be a challenge. A challenge Sebastian will definitely defeat.

For someone so immune to gruesome deaths, Grell was genuinely a good reaper. A talented beauty at what he does.

“There’s no need to cry,” Sebastian calmly approaches Grell, the other with a wide smile as he says some gibberish. Ah, how quick he is in doing his job. Grell starts chanting now, his green eyes now focused on Sebastian’s scythe. Sebastian simply watches the man do his work, it was quite interesting to see.

The scythe was beginning to disintegrate, black ashes have risen around Grell’s hands.

“Now the pain will start, Sebastian.” Grell states, the tears on his face have already dried and now the blank stare is evident on Grell’s face. Sebastian nods, “Go ahead, I’ll be fine.”

Grell quickly gets to work once more, begins to pull a small knife out of his jacket. Grell faces Sebastian who is standing calmly and without a care about what Grell is about to do. What a strange man, Grell notes as he applies pressure to the knife and pushes it through Sebastian’s neck.

Oh. It hurt in an odd, mind numbing, erotic way. Sebastian would have to take care of his sinful thoughts after this. The pain was slow, but as he felt it touch his mind and body in so many ways. Sebastian felt weak, his skin felt hot and scorched with fire, for some reason he was turned on by this. His cheeks began to flush pink, Grell gives him a look like ‘what in god's name are you doing?!’ like Sebastian knew. He did, but you don’t say such personal things.

Grell continued holding the knife to Sebastian’s neck, noticed how Sebastian’s eyes were dozing off. He looked so lost in the pain, Grell can’t help but stick this image of Sebastian in his mind forever.

The ever so calm Sebastian was in pure pain, although he wasn’t screaming, his breathing had quickened. The now retired reaper has leaned his head on Grell’s chest, Grell simply understood that the changes were always different in everyone. It too had some ‘weird’ effects.

Sebastian’s eyes were now closed, his mind was awake however. Awake with thoughts of the boys memories, the big blue eyes that had pierced his soul, the blood that stained the boy’s pale skin. But soon those memories have changed into multiple eyes watching him, not just any eyes either, demon eyes painted with a bright red and black slits that were similar to a cat or snake’s eye.

They spoke too. His mind was a dangerous place. As the eyes watch him, a black figure approaches him, its claws penetrate his skin which doesn’t seem possible but it does.

“You hold desires for such a thing, even thou shall save him?” Its voice is drenched with pride, confidence, even as it asks a question. Was it his own ego or an entire different entity itself? Sebastian questions himself.

“I am you, you are me, if that clears your already weak mind.” The strange voice says one more thing before the eyes disappear, “Sum daemonium.”

Grell hears Sebastian say something, incoherent, a weak whisper. Grell ignores it, there’s no way Sebastian should be conscious nor should be able to talk. That is until he feels his hand burning from the knife. The pain was short, but Grell felt it burn like he was wax on a candle.

“Ow, what the hell?!” Grell shouts, sees that Sebastian’s eyes were now open, however, his eyes were not the usual green they should have been. They were demonic. Eyes red as his own hair, piercing to even look at.

Grell laughed nervously, “I don’t know what’s happening, Sebastian, but please get out of your head at once!”

The eyes were unnerving to look at, they didn’t follow Grell thankfully, as Grell moved a bit he noticed they were staring blankly up at the ceiling. Damn, if William had done this, Sebastian surely would have been executed on spot. But how could he be a shinigami and a demon at the same time? Grell knew demons existed, what he’d seen and felt were examples of what would be a demon’s birth.

* * *

He didn’t know all the details but William had mentioned some anomalies that had happened a few centuries ago when he had lived, there had been boys who’d been killed in the public of his city, staked as they transformed into beasts of hell. As William had described it, they were creatures of hell who knew no better and practically feasted on the humans in that city, that’s all he had mentioned.

Grell knew William wasn’t fond of the demons, nor actually liked them, but to actually experience seeing those beings. Grell was slightly jealous of William for that. Now he’d experienced something that would be considered an anomaly but for the death gods instead of the humans.

Such a thing to happen was intriguing to Grell, but what is to happen to Sebastian if he was in fact a demon? Would he transform now or is it a slow process, Grell would have to discuss this with William once Sebastian leaves the headquarters. He continued with the process of taking Sebastian’s reaper abilities, as far as he knew they were half way done by the looks of the knife. Either Sebastian’s mind is dragging the process, Grell had to admit this should have been done a few minutes ago. Whatever Sebastian’s body is going through is making the process drag on.

Grell feels Sebastian’s body tremble now, what a frightening display to see.

The trembles stop though, the demonic eyes that were once wide on Sebastian’s face have returned to the green that stare at Grell’s expression.

“Sum daemonium.” The way Sebastian says it naturally is beyond anything Grell’s seen from Sebastian as his partner through their shinigami duties. Grell knew that was latin, William had taught him latin just so they could avoid demons.

And what Sebastian had said only confused him more, how could he outright say he was a demon if he’d never mentioned it to Grell. And more importantly how could he have been a demon and a shinigami at the same time, he had killed himself, so he was human. It didn’t make any sense. Unless, he was the mentioned anomaly in his human life. Grell couldn’t say anything, he was at a loss for words. Was Sebastian even conscious? He had to be if he could say two words.

Except Grell was wrong, Sebastian immediately goes slack in his arms, his face appearing as if he was dead. Awfully pale, except his body was starting to burn Grell. Grell hadn’t noticed he’d begun to sweat, lord, this was a two man job now. Grell decides he’s going to need William’s help, he carefully lays Sebastian’s body on the floor and leaves the knife in his neck, they’re almost done. But something is prevented them from finishing, seems like Sebastian’s in a battle of his own.

“I-I’ll be back Sebas~chan,” Grell exclaims as he takes a couple breathes, he hadn’t even realized he was holding his breath. God if William lectures him for this, then maybe he’ll take that lecture over watching this event unfold without William. Grell opens the white door and closes it quickly.

He glances around and much to his surprise he sees William with a curious look in his eyes.

“I believe Sebastian’s proven to be difficult to revoke his abilities am I correct?” William’s rather calm about this ordeal, Grell wonders why.

“Yes, something has slowed the process down, I-” William places his finger on Grell’s lips, the fabric of the glove is cool against Grell.

William doesn’t hesitate to warn Grell about his body temperature.

“You’re a bit too hot for a shinigami, cool off and I will handle the rest, Grell, I’m not going to lecture you on something that is as challenging as revoking the abilities from a shinigami who’s becoming a demon.”

So, he knew already. William truly was a genius. Despite him being a smartass, stuck-up bastard, no fun bore, but otherwise an intelligent reaper. That’s why Grell loved him, to be fair Grell had every right to love William. He had his weird way of showing he cared, but Grell knew William cared about him. This proved it.

“How did you figure it out, William?” Grell asks, momentarily looks back at the door as if Sebastian was going to come out any time, but he didn’t.

“I figured out something I’d read of his files before I went to rest, something didn’t fit with his suicide. The date was closer to my century than I thought, while it makes no significance, I knew that along the age of his death, it all tied in with the young men who were burned in public but also burned in their own homes because of their bloodline.” William explained, shook his head.

“It was around the age of 20 that Sebastian commit “suicide” and died by killing himself in a house fire? Someone here intentionally wrote that, while Sebastian did die, the reaper who reaped his soul simply either mistook him to be dead as he’d started to become a demon when he died, or the person intentionally wanted him to be here until he became a full fledged demon.”

* * *

Wow, Grell could only applaud William for explaining Sebastian’s presence here completely.

“Now, as I said you’re going to rest while I revoke his abilities, but also try to withhold him from attacking you or me, to at least hold him from transforming.” William pulls his finger away from Grell, grabs a hold of Grell’s hand as he opens the door. The sight of Sebastian on the floor was seen, it seems that he’s perfectly stable, William walks over to the small knife in his neck and notices how close it is to finishing.

“It needs only a few minutes, depending on how Sebastian fights his mind.” William lets go of Grell’s hand and they shut the door. For now the two watched him. How mad will Sebastian become in his own mind? William ponders for a moment.

The Undertaker couldn’t have been a part of this could he? That’s another question for another time, for now they need to maintain Sebastian’s form.

Sebastian woke up, except he was covered in darkness rather than the white room he’d originally been in. No Grell, the pain has ceased. Something else was happening than Grell taking his shinigami abilities. He began to hear the voices and whispers again, continuous latin words began repeating all around him. He had no form here, but he knew he was awake.

“It seems the young one is awake, how perfect for us to bond now.” The voice began to sound more and more like his own, except it wasn’t his voice. Sebastian was going mad in this abyss of nothingness.

“Must you always feel disgusted with yourself, where was that pride when you were a living being, hm?”

It was like he was asking himself a question with the way the monster copied his voice.

“Hm, it seems the shinigami will finish you up, perhaps we shall meet again when you are ready, then you’ll see that you’ll need to find yourself once more to attain that young boy.” The shadows began to disperse, Sebastian could finally open his eyes, the brightness of the white room lifting him out of his own inner darkness. Despite it he still felt faint and ill, assuming the worst, his body will not be the same.

He looks around the room to see William and Grell looking down at him, Grell quickly runs towards Sebastian and holds out his gloved hand. Sebastian attempts to grab a hold of Grell’s hands, until the pain of the knife returns. William nods at Grell and points towards the knife. It’s finally complete, but now they’d need to see what happens to Sebastian’s current form. Grell moves towards Sebastian’s neck and slowly pulls the knife out, Sebastian groans out softly. So, his abilities are gone, now what?

There seems to be more apathy in him than before, his emotions have seemed to dull to an extent that he himself hadn’t known could happen, his back was starting to ache.

“Step away from him, Grell, it seems the demon is soon to return to Sebastian. Quickly now.” William’s eyes noticed the strange way Sebastian was moving on the floor, practically rolling and yet his arms were starting to twist in inhuman ways.

“I said quickly now, Grell!” William snaps at Grell who continued to watch Sebastian rolling and twisting each and every limb in a crazed pace. Grell quickly jogs towards William, William gently pushes Grell behind him.

“It’s begun.” William says too quietly, it frightened him when he saw it in the living realm, but to see it in this realm, it’s different. Grell watches each quiver in Sebastian’s body, every movement that looked more like a seizure, the loud gasps that were echoed in the room. Grell couldn’t bare to watch, but he was entranced by the unknown. He’d never seen it like William has, maybe he needed to, to understand what William meant about the horrors of a demon's birth.

Sebastian felt nothing but absolute pain, something was trying to break through his spine, suddenly he remembers Ciel’s expression as he died. It comforted him that he was getting closer to attaining that boy, he sighed evenly as each crack in his bones continue as he rolls on the floor. The pure bliss of that boy's soul haunts Sebastian, god, there was a sudden craving to yearning for what the boy would have tasted like.

He couldn’t help but laugh as he practically breaks each bone in his body, without the pain, it felt more like excitement. His cheeks were warming up, his eyes were glazed, he licked his lips as if he was thirsty. Then he looked up at the two reapers in the room, damn them for not having souls. His entire body stopped, each limb was now fixed in place, Sebastian’s eyes hadn’t changed.

It was becoming too much, the feelings were starting to get him a little too high and far too sweaty. Sebastian pulled at his hair, which had become a mess as he’d rolled like an animal and trembled. It was hot, his entire body ached for something, a release of some sort. He’d noticed that Grell was looking at his chest, looked away from him and whispered to William.

“I look awful don’t I?” Sebastian says, with a hint of embarrassment, noticed that the two reapers avoided eye contact.

“What is it now?” Sebastian asks, confused by the two.

Grell giggles and points at his own chest, “Your nipples seem to be poking out, Sebas~chan.”

He looks down and his cheeks warm up once more, he coughs a bit.

“I do apologize for that, hopefully I can stand up, I shall take my leave soon, Grell.”

Grell gives him a grin, twirls around William and shouts out, “Freedom for Sebas~chan!”

“Grell, you imbecile, it doesn’t mean freedom, now I must know what you plan to do about your demon problem.”

* * *

Sebastian honestly didn’t know, he’d need to ask William for the historical context about demons, but that would have to be put on hold for he still seeks out the possibility of reviving the young Ciel Phantomhive.

“I’m not sure yet, but I shouldn’t stay here for too long now that it’s awakened. The cravings will soon become desires, they seem to overwhelm with sensations that as you can see become erotic.” Sebastian points to himself, it’s quite entertaining that his body has become more sensitive and the same for the smells around him.

Every sense has become heightened, he cannot imagine what Ciel Phantomhive would smell like to him now. The thought alone brought a chill down his spine. Grell bursts into laughter, paces around Sebastian.

“You don’t think he’s a sex demon?! Oh, how I’d-“ William interrupts him, “Ahem, if you don’t mind I need to figure out what to do for Sebastian, stop thinking about sex demons.”

Ah, he’s not quite wrong about the sex demon part, but even Sebastian is confused on what type of demon he is. Though he does have a small idea that he is a demon of pride, a demon worthy for what will become of Ciel Phantomhive in the future. The desire for that human was of anything Sebastian has felt, it only fuels his hunger. Grell simply dances around Sebastian, while William appears to be lost in his thoughts.

The two would make a great duo, Sebastian can’t help but smile at the mere idea of Grell being able to achieve that love he’s yearned for so long. Though there was still much to discover in figuring out William T. Spears rather closed off personality. That too will need to be fixed by Sebastian with the help of the Undertaker that is.

“I think it’s best if I leave the two of you, for one thing you both need some rest after this whole event. I do apologize for inconveniencing you, William. I never knew my blood had been tainted and cursed to such a degree.” Sebastian’s words were layered with sincerity, he’d need to be careful of William once he returns to the human realm.

That’s the worst part of departing the shinigami. Once you’re gone, you lose the benefits of your partner and must also continue to follow the rule of not intervening human lives and as such he’d be breaking that rule the moment he’d meet the Undertaker. William T. Spears. He could be a bore, but a very smart man in his duties and just as loyal as a dog to its owner.

Sebastian glances at the two before he immediately presses his hands on the floor and attempts to lift himself up. His legs weren’t quite ready, his arms felt fuzzy and stuck in its place.

Sebastian sighs, asks Grell, “Could you please lend a hand, Grell, my body is being quite lazy. Or as you’d put it, a ‘’bitch’’.”

William looks down at Sebastian who is struggling to even lift his own body up. The unnecessary curse that he’s gotten from Grell’s over usage throughout their partnership. William notes that he will have to scold the red-haired twat for that. The look in Sebastian’s eyes were filled with something that William couldn’t put his finger on. There wasn’t malice in them, but more of a look that reminded him of a cat’s own mesmerizing eye. Odd, he wonders if it’s a part of the process of a new demon’s birth, or is Sebastian strangely appealing to the eyes.

He hadn’t noticed that Grell was yapping at him now.

“Were you ogling, Sebas~chan?! You dirty old sl-”

William swiftly turns to Grell and covers the red-haired man’s mouth.

“If I were you, I’d be careful, speaking to your superior like that. You never change do you, Grell? I’ll teach you some manners after we’ve dealt with Sebastian’s departure.”

Sebastian never fails to laugh at the two, they acted more like lovers than ex partners more than anything. He’d miss them both, but someday he’ll give Grell the most precious gift for what he’s done for Sebastian throughout their time together. He was much younger as a shinigami compared to Grell, he’d only gotten his scythe about two years ago. A mere babe compared to the elder ones that stood in front of him acting like children in a way.

They were the only two he’d consider friends, in his eyes they were like his family. Although they were dead, the connection within their group was genuine. For Sebastian’s never felt true familiar love even when he was alive. But for him to remember that wasn’t normal for a supposedly dead suicide victim. And now that his shinigami abilities have been taken, there was a haunting feeling sinking in his mind.

The only reason his blood is tainted is because he had been taken to the death god’s realm on the whim of another’s actions. Another being who had seen his supposed suicide, but hadn’t been a suicide.

* * *

The memories were starting to recollect themselves in Sebastian’s mind as he waiting for William to stop lecturing Grell. Sebastian even realized from those shadows he’d witnessed in his own depths of his mind had gave him the answers to this whole ordeal. He hadn’t died, nor had he been a demon when he was alive. But simply executed for his blood in his mother’s bedroom, he recalls the furious look on her eyes as she and his father both fled from him.

The look of horror as he’d realized they’d locked him in the room and he scrambled around trying to exit the soon to be burned home. He remembers the way he’d been crying, being just a boy, the taste of betrayal left a bitterness in him that still lingers in the darkness of his soul. If he’d been dead like William and Grell, he wouldn’t have been able to remember these things so vividly.

The sensation of the fire as he watched the flames grow and grow and the smoke only bringing him to his knees. He’d cry and no one would have come. And he had known from the start that his family had never loved him, for a family would never abandon and kill their child because of the curse of demonic boys that were rumored in their town. Rumors. Such things only ruin souls like Sebastian’s.

The memories are all starting to pile up, for now he’s in another world than the white room with the two death gods. He was watching his own death now. You could say it was hell, but no, it was the birth of hell that stood in that bedroom. The young Sebastian had crawled to a corner as he had smelled the air, coughing as he tried to escape his fate. Coughing as the air became smoldered and took hold of him like the devil had wrapped his hands around his neck. The few breaths he’d take as his head became dizzy, the crackling off the fire became a melodic symphony as he stumbled on the bed. Each breath became too much for him, his head falling heavier into unconsciousness, his eyes felt nothing but pain.

He’d at least try to lay on the bed, so he drags his body from the sideway position he had been in as he’d find no comfort in the damned corner and laid his head on the pale pillow. The softness of it only reminded him that he’d soon be dead, as he looked onto the ceiling of the wretched home he’d die in. He gave out another loud cry, the warm wetness that flowed down his cheeks only served as a souvenir for the death gods that watched him above the building.

A death god who only grinned and applauded as their partner only hums a melody as the two watch the boy below burn and cry to his death. Or so they thought. Sebastian had cried and cried that day, the flames had finally pushed its way into the bedroom, as he felt the flames devour his skin, the pain overcame him. The cries became shrieks and screams, high octaves as the flames danced around his skin.

His skin becoming ebony and withering.

The screaming could only go for so long as he finally loses consciousness and the darkness of death wraps him like he was a new born child. To lose his life like this, he’d never forget it even if he wanted to. Sebastian was stuck in his own memories now, entranced by what happened and the curiosity of who purposely put him as a suicide in his death.

Shinigami traitors perhaps? For one, shinigami like William and Grell were loyal for their forgiveness, or was it the demon blood that saved a miniscule part of his life. There was too many questions that didn’t add up to how he became a half dead shinigami. Sebastian opens his eyes and sees nothing, but now he hears the faint voices of a man or was it the reapers? This part of his memory shouldn’t exist as he should have died in that fire, but it was obvious he hadn’t. By some hellish miracle he had survived, through the help of a shinigami too.

That was the final key, it may have been his blood but it may have been a reaper, but what about them together making him become a half dead being. And what reaper would need to mess around so carelessly with a human life at the time? Or had they known Sebastian wasn’t a human.

He continued to stay within his memories before he’d return to Grell and William. Whatever has given him the ability to see his memories now, is truly a gift. The voices were incoherent, he couldn’t feel any sensation in him, he was in a void. The feeling only reminded him of when he had met his demon self, the void could hold another entity until something pulls it out of its slumber.

So, what woke him up?

Then as if he’d summoned the so called entity, he felt a piercing pain through his chest and he found himself no longer stuck in the darkness of the void. Looking up to an unfamiliar man who looked somewhat like, no, such possibility between two different beings, Sebastian pushes that thought out of his head. He mustn’t remind himself of Ciel Phantomhive’s death, the pure horror of losing such a delicate child.

“Seems like we’ve got ourselves a demon, ah, you are lucky my partner has gone off, such a reckless and child-like man is he.”

He could only see the faint image of a fairly handsome man, the way he spoke indicated he was a shinigami.

Sebastian feels himself rasp out, which is quite pointless but as memories it didn’t hurt to watch and see his past self act out.

“Now, now, you shouldn’t speak for you are barely even living, I cannot have so and so get in trouble now that I’ve intervened in a human or demon’s life.”

Sebastian’s vision was blurry now, the small smile he sees on the shinigami is distressing to see. For the shinigami chuckles to himself as he slides the long sword that is his scythe towards what may be Sebastian’s chest.

“This is going to be painful, but I am allowing you to live and may god have mercy on the beauty that is you demons, out of all the boys I’ve seen killed, you are worth betraying the shinigami for. And for once, my life can start anew, I thank you for that.”

The shinigami pauses, just as quick as he’d spoke, he drives his scythe through Sebastian.

“Demon.” The man says loudly, confidently.

* * *

Sebastian feels himself pulling away from the memories, it seems that they only go from his death to his other death. What a silly way to word it, but alas he cannot describe what he’d just witnessed through his own eyes. How divine it was to look back and see his memories, maybe becoming a demon after all wasn’t so bad.

“He’s just staring at me, William, do you think he’s thinking about sex?” Grell’s voice stammers out as Sebastian finally blinks at the two shinigami leaning down towards him with both of them holding one hand out.

“Grell, if you continue to even speak about a sex demon once Sebastian leaves, I assure you I will get Ronald to be your partner, surely you wouldn’t argue with that?” William then returns his attention to Sebastian. It seems like he’s gotten his memories back, by the looks of it he was transforming at a rapid pace. They really needed to get him out of here. Not all shinigami were as attentive as William, but the risk of being caught with a demon would put both him in Grell at the bottom and basically start all their hard work from their trainee days.

“You’re too mean, William.” Grell whines out, twists a part of his hair nervously, “I just hope he gets out of here safe, promise me that you won’t meddle with humans, Sebas~chan.”

Grell’s request was odd, but Sebastian understood where he was coming from as a shinigami and companion. It wasn’t like he was going to meddle with human life itself, only with the death of a human life. That was different.

“I will take your request to my grave, Grell, you can trust me with my last shinigami duty.”

Sebastian firstly needs to stand up, his bottom was quite frankly becoming to numb and ache. He grabbed both William’s right hand and Grell’s left hand, the two shinigami pulled him onto his feet. His body was still slightly weak, so he nodded at Grell to come closer to him. He placed his arm around Grell’s shoulder and relaxed.

“I’ll prepare Sebastian’s exit, you make sure those eyes of his don’t change color and help him walk.” William orders Grell his instructions, the death god no matter what he faced, finished his job quick and in an orderly manner.

Sebastian and Grell watched the serious shinigami get to work as the three of them exit the white room. The room was as spotless as it had been when they were in it. The soft click of the door indicating their departure. As they follow William, with Sebastian heavily relying on Grell for support, they turn through many blank hallways, eventually get to a locked black door. William pulls his scythe out and slices the chains around it, kicks open the door. What Sebastian and Grell saw was the blue sky that they had seen earlier when they reaped Ciel Phantomhive’s soul.

“Put him closer to the entrance, Grell.” Grell nodded and quickly walked past William and held Sebastian near the door.

“I will visit you! Don’t you fret, Sebas~chan!” Grell gives him a cheeky grin, while he knew Grell wouldn’t cry in front of William. He’d cry in his own time, at least. William stood quietly and watched the two, the current events only make William suspicious of the Undertaker and the purpose of Sebastian Michaelis.

Sebastian gives Grell a gentle pat, “Do come by, I will be in England for eternity.”

It was almost time, Sebastian waves at William. William gives him a look and grabs Grell by his collar as they both watch Sebastian’s lean frame slowly near the vast sky that stood idly.

“Farewell, shinigami, may we still be friends if we cross paths once more.” Sebastian smiles and then leans backwards and lets himself fall from the sky, seeing Grell and William’s unwavering attention was fun nonetheless.

How quick the stagnant life of his has changed, the constant image of the boy continues to eat the inside of his mind and soul. As he quickly falls, the two shinigami disappear from his vision. The door is gone once more, Sebastian at last can start his mission. To bring Ciel Phantomhive back, he’d need to succumb to the demon he truly is, to seek out the truth of the reapers who’d reaped a part of his soul.

Sebastian Michaelis couldn’t help but grin, there was just so much more to the human life than he had expected. And for once, he can feel himself pride at what he’ll do to the brat that killed Ciel Phantomhive.

The pride of becoming a lion eating its prey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title was inspired by the Hollywood Undead song, also listening to Dark Crow Smiles helped me develop Sebastian’s tragic death hehe. Enjoy, like always comments are appreciated.


End file.
